sharing the deep recesses of your heart..with…

So at small group meeting.  The topic was about meeting God’s match for you . One of the pastors and his wife shared their story of being single and at last meeting each other.

Interestingly enough weeks ago. I was reawakened to a powerful hex, that a person can put on another when they, really open up their heart to you, about how they feel about something that is affecting them badly or hurting them.d

Years ago, a classmate, shared something in that sort of way ,an my response.. was like I wanted to take care of it was this visceral perhaps natural response that I had not been aware of before. I guess I can see  how that can build genuine care in friend relationships.

Recently, I was talking to a guy online via facebook voice.  He talked for awhile, I said some stuff. To be honest we have some views that would probably make us incompatible.

But one thing that pretty much made me feel like I has emotional soul tie with him was the fact that during the conversation he related that he had had a bad day. I trying to be caring and sweet. Was like, do you want to talk about it?  So he related about how his dad was treating him and I guess like verbally abusing him and saying things like how ill you start a business with no money. He told me his dad is an alcoholic. So I was like I just felt he was cute by sharing that. and I had this perhaps feminine  response to want to take care of him hold him, and just want to bring him back to life.

Like seriously after that conversation ..  I eventually went online to find out about it and eventually discovered about disclosure and how long lasting relationships can be built from it.

So at this meeting husband shared that he was having all these girls vying for his love and affection and he was perplexed as to why or what do about it, he shared this with a pastor and the pastor let him know its because he was sharing intimate things with them, sharing his heart.

Baically, he then realized why and let the people in there know that I guess especially to guys not to share your heart, if its too intimate you may have crossed the line. He was like that should be for marriage. Like his wife, like to know how his day has been going and for hiim to share it with her; he said woman feel valued and affection when a guy shares their inner world with him.

I guess woman should be warned about this for I too was really like a little lovestruck because of what that guy shared.  I am not wi

What I should stop doing

Recently I was at a small group meeting for young people in church ( I am not that young btw, I’m one of the older people in the group).  We were all sitting like around a  big table and one of the leaders  was asking around , to people like what the highlight of their week was. Well I related a dream about how I I felt it was revealed to me that like I can’t depend on people to change my life I need to like be self determined ( setting and planning how to achieve goals is a part of that) .

Well, he was like well how did that change something in your life. I don’t remember the exact phrasing but basically to me it was like I was being made conscious  of  -was there any tangible fruit of lasting consequence?

Did this really help?  He probably wasn’t trying to come across that way. Maybe  him being from another country with english not being his first language, he was trying to understand what I meant. But I felt kind of like not good about it . Because in actuality, I’ve heard and received a lot of counsel, but what fruit has it in my life? I mean its like stupidity. To be honest, I guess I haven’t applied it right or barely at all. I’m really struggling with my attempt to do a lot in a little time and this addiction I have to facebook doesn’t help.

I mean I will seek God about it because for many people what’s  important is that when you applied counsel or did  certain actions , did it effect permanent good change in your life?

So I  mean I can share counsel I’ve heard spiritually but currently the fruit department is perhaps not where it should or could be.

The beginnings of Trump’s presidency

So I was at a bus stop  yesterday morning and I saw this sign

that looked similar  or exactly like thus

in my heart mind I felt like perhaps this relates to his presidency.

Sure it looks a mess. but within due time it will look better..

transitioning into a new presidency is similar to remodeling or constructing a building while it’s being built it doesn’t look particularly good. but the finished product will look good.


( I am leaning to discern, prophesy ..time can tell what shall occur)

Well let’s hope ( and pray ) that happens

Being yourself with a guy..

So recently I talked twice to a guy I met online.  He was sort of intense. He talked about the Middle east, oil, Donald Trump.


Um so.. I had my opinions on the matters he was talking about, I even have some sort of view towards Donald Trump . From the looks of the conversation, I was scared to  to tell him about it. I guess because I  was afraid to be rejected. So from there on forward  ..the conversation went on but I couldn’t help but think this isn’t good. At least at some point I need to let him know how I feel about it and see what happens, if he doesn’t accept it then I guess we’re not a  fit.

I went online and searched about being afraid to be  yourself around .blah blah… And read some  insightful things. Based on what I have been learning about being yourself,  , especially if dating, its important to be yourself  because you want some one to really love the real you, no  someone you aren’t . How will you find the person who likes, loves the real you, if the real you is not revealed, expressed, seen, shown , put on display?


1975 concert…

I went to a concert of theirs recently, didn’t like that the concert felt rushed, they didn’t give time to create an ambiance…


I didn’t get what I would’ve like to happen, occur so of course..

they didn’t at least wave to fans standing out waiting ( after the concert) as close as possible to the tour bus, save only the saxophone or other synth, keyboard player who waved out to us standing waiting. Later more than one security personnel at different times told us they had left already ( one of the tour buses had left).

I am not for sure of they did leave , but considering that most of the security personnel eventually left, perhaps they did leave

Are they too good for us that they just straight up went to the tour bus , avoiding fans? They could have at least waved I just felt it was bit disrespectful, anyway, maybe I shouldn’t have thought about Matty as I had.. anyway it didn’t feel great , but yeah perhaps maybe I’m thinking wrong of the situation, I guess they’ve done hundreds if not more thousands of shows ..;and I don’t know what’s going on with them and why they chose not to at least wave to fans waiting after the show

I know Matty talked about not doing meet and greets in the US, but I guess the thoughtful thing could have been to wave goodbye to fans..maybe considering the date of the concert and climate of the nation at the time.. they chose not too..*shrugs”

This is the second time something like this has happened to me. I have only paid to see concerts twice. Both times this happened..

to be honest maybe I shouldn’t say this…but I was really obsessed with Matty and really did not pay attention to the other bandmates( yeah it seems.. :/ )

still though he positive , the people at the concert weren’t bad, it was nice to meet others with a similar interest. I guess perhaps I should be grateful to have been able to go..

I guess I really obsessed with Matty ..went overboard..heck the aesthetic, image projected the music videos ( not all of them but) were like witchcraft, like a rope that hooked  and I awed by .. heck even the name sounded articulate, and snappy something about the names sounded I guess the best way to describe it is cool,

“The *head snaps to one side* Nineteeen, Sev-in Dee Five”

also as some of the comments in this vid talk of liking   “aesthetics”.


As concerning Matty, I mean you know it was just some things that he said, expressed, and or how he expressed himself, that made me think wow…almost soulmatish , like I guess we understood saw some things a similar way, ( I don’t condone his atheism though) but yeah ..and so I guess I thought perhaps something more could come ..

I guess he was my heart, my soul ,everything. ..idolization…just to see that  ..why did I do that to myself..let my self feel that way about celebrity?..I mean anyway..I went to delve farther than I have  on this ,not now

Anyway I have enjoyed some of their songs prior to going to their concert..maybe I’ll get over this .