A lot going on..

So, recently I had the audacity to get a job at a call center.   Here is the issue:

I was working a part time in a position that perhaps was not fit for me. There were times it seems I should have gone to the hospital. I think I stressed myself out and sucked at pacing myself. In the end I thought this might be an ok job maybe even fun. But doing it for these many months, this was not something I wanted to keep doing ( that is an understatement) . I was drowning, I took whatever lifeboat I could get to not sink.

Through a temp agency I was interviewed and offered the position. I took it, without thinking thoroughly about what the job could entail: using headphones for an extended period of time like nearly 6-8 hours.  Now delving deeper,  the issue is  that I currently have tinnitus and its probable it was caused in part due to listening to music high volume on headphones.  In hindsight I think I bought terrible headphones. I remember wanting the bass to be louder or more bombastic; I would increase the volume loud and maybe also as a result of not thinking I could hear the midrange. ( case in point if you use headphones get good ones, even if they cost more.)

I have nearly quit using headphones as a result. Now I talked to an ENT about using headphones. She informed me I could use headphones as long as it’s kept at a good volume something like that.  However I’ve never discussed with her working at call center full time.

I learned from an online search that an issue with call centers can be as a result of  loud noise , the agent increasing the volume to hear the caller. Thankfully I am in corner office albeit with another inbound agent, nevertheless, I dont expect it to be loud in there.

Nevertheless , during shadowing other agents, I did notice my ears being effected. My left ear vibrates. And I remember one day in particular, it going of the wall. However if I am to be on my own, I  can try to put it on a low volume.

The other thing that is annoying is the random call picks from quality insurance that will be judged every month. It’s  little nerve-racking, nevertheless I guess it keeps us accountable..

All in all I don’t want to continue doing this job but due to mounting financial pressures and the other job I had before,  I took this position without wondering how this could affect my hearing.

Currently looking  for other jobs, but I feel they aren’t for me. Perhaps maybe my view of full time work or jobs has to change or maybe I just want something honestly that I like.

Oh and then on the home life front smh maybe I do need to get my own place living on my own.


Disclaimer: the views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely to the author, and not necessarily to the author’s employer, organization, committee or other group or individual.


Giving up…coming to the end of yourself

I had been slight addicted to watching Dave Ramsey videos and what he said in what vid spoke to me..

Husband Won’t Stop Investing in Baby Step 2

Specifically at around 3:50.. That’s probably part of or exactly what is meant what by the phrase “giving up” and “coming to the end of yourself”…

ha I thought he was being arrogant earlier in the beginning like as if his plan is the best way but as I got further along it made sense..

He said, “I dont know how to fix it ,could you show me how, and then you submit yourself to a plan”.  Using an example of hiring a fitness trainer he explained,  you submit your self to their system, because they have abs and you have a keg.

I know I haven’t really been sticking to the plan I feel God, Jesus and or His Spirit has been given to me.  I have a tendency perhaps to not stick to a plan. I then try to do other things that he did not counsel  me to do in hopes that it may work. But then you see you’ve been int the same place for years and frustrated and its like ..ok maybe you should really abandon all your other plans and at least focus on doing with full effort do what he told you to do.

Interestingly kind of reminds  Joyce Meyer teaching
How to Be Led By the Spirit

There may be more to the meaning of  giving up too – I’ve been told.. I’ve had a tendency to try to earn God’s love..  so it maybe related to stop trying to earn His love, which I need to seek what that means..or if anyone has any suggestions on how to practically not to do that I’d appreciate it.



Update..graphic design..music production

I thought that I would not continue with graphic design courses at the local community college.  I could learn it on my own.

Then I got fired from a job full time job in July. It didn’t pay great but it was better than what i’d ever had before. After being fired, I panicked and for some reasons, I decided I’d go to the local community college full time.

It was not easy. Two were online. One would think online is easier, but I got waaaaaaaay behind. Painfully behind. Because I would not watch the class live online. I hated watching classes after 7:00 pm. I’d instead decide to watch them “later”. There are videos I haven’t watched yet and the semester is over. Though those videos were like the last class(es) so technically they may have not been needed for the final assignments. There maybe like three videos I haven’t watched yet  2 from one class and 1 from another class.

Add to the drama of full time classes, a part time job that was crappy for me, you’ve got a recipe for hell on earth especially for someone still not perfect at time management. I ran into serious problems this season. Thank God the classes have ended, unfortunately I still have the job…you may ask why not quit and get another one.. * rolls eyes and sighs*

On the other hand, the classes did help me learn adobe programs. Literally every class had an adobe product attached to it. Lightroom.Photoshop. Illustrator. Premier.

So its great that I’ve sort of got something like a foundation upon which to build or create something. Creative content. Nevertheless there is this one dragon I’ve been trying to lay a hold off. I feel like a guy trying to hold or grab ahold of a dragon by the neck, that’s crazily moving its head back and forth. I’m trying to lay hold of it but I guess it feels like it’s hard for me to get grasp or hold on it, maybe it keeps slipping, gliding from my hand.

The dragon is music production and what other things that entail it. I’d care to learn piano, and guitar too. I mean I know that there are people who taught themselves how to play more than one instrument. Music theory seems like something I should learn a bit of too.

I seem to be up against several things stopping me from grasping it. When one is worried about finances and not pulling it in enough money to cover all their bills, it’s hard to concentrate on something that isn’t going to bring in money soon. I feel like I’ve got to get money soon ..it’s really, really bad like it’s getting near where it could turn into an emergency.

Unfortunately I wasn’t my own man and got degrees and a whole lot of school debt, for subjects that I probably shouldn’t have studied…

The Dave Ramsey Show Youtube clips

Many of the youtube clips he has for his show are the epitome of clickbait. Oh master we are not worthy. Like a magnet I innately want to click, and watch immediately.

The headlines are crazy an a bit unique.  On the other had, I’d like to see the light at the end of the tunnel that he may provide for the people who call in. If these people can possibly get out of these debt holes, there could be hope for the rest of us with lesser debt.

Some headlines

“We haven’t paid our Bills For 6 Years!” 
oh really…* eyes roll up to the sky*
(real talk who goes 6 years without paying any of their bills? any)

“My girlfriend has $450,000 in debt”   
Maybe it’s time to find another one? lol well she’s planning to be a dentist so maybe that will help,  all I can say is if you are going to marry her hold on, it may be a bumpy ride if she wants to pay that off in a short amount of time

“Step Dad married a 24 year old gold digger”
Uhhh not too surprising..we’ve all probably hear of famous rich men that could do that..ok well to be fair in the clip she mentions property the step dad and mom bought that is worth more than a million ( maybe 2.5) so…Btw the step dad is 77.

$320,00 in school Debt  Loan and We Aren’t Even Doctors!
smh..all I can say for that. I kind of pity them

You make $320,000 A MONTH?!?
N&%^3 why are you calling in ?  Use that money and get you a personal financial advisor. You could probably hire one from Dave Ramsey’s company. Leave the line for us broke people that need it!!! lol

The amount of debt these people have is astronomical and lo and behold what does most of the debt relate to . You got it, school loans. Just annoying . unfortunately most of us made stupid decisions and are naive and got ourselves way into deep.  I have a huge amount of school loan debt too. But the testimonies are sort of inspiring and give hope, that one doesn’t have to have that debt forever,

haha,  these headlines though I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I wanted to.

Job search workshop


So I recently had to go to a workshop as part of my obligation to continue to receive unemployment benefits. I thought it might be boring, routine kind of event. And honestly did not expect too much from it, other than probably what I was use to hearing and probably already knew. Pretty much to my knowledge everyone there was in a similar boat.

I was wrong.

It was for the most part fun. I learned and experienced different people, and their personalities, hearing their stories. The trainer was a bit entertaining.  I had so much fun and enjoyed myself.  I of course learned a lot too. I took notes and I guess I should try to consolidate what I learned. I learned about the “hidden job market” I never knew it existed.  Interestingly, enough there was a person there who had worked in hr and she told her side of the story,  like how it is to be in the shoes of the employer , responding with explanations for why employers may have acted some sort of way that those there did not like.

So for sure it was helpful and valuable. Yet,  if I were to be honest, do I really want to work for an employer again?  A workshop on how I could be my own boss, that perhaps I would have been more privy too. This workshop was geared towards obtaining employment with an employer.

Interesting thing that was asked by the trainer to the class , was -Do you have a plan?-Many people raised their hand. He may have asked too if the plan was written down. Thinking back I couldn’t say I have a concrete plan.


I need to get more clear on what it is I am looking for or will fit who I am , and then go for it. I should really write out a plan. I’ve thought about many things to do but perhaps I need to concentrate on few things, or even one or two things, and use my energy right.

I’ve shared some of what I think I may be good at or can do. To  be honest what’s left is to try it out, practice and put out content. What’s been holding me back? I feel I need to get more serious  and aware about working to get out of the situations I’m in that bothers me.

Sources ( and Resources) that you may find helpful
Essentialism- Greg Mckeown
48 Days to the Work You Love: Preparing for the New Normal – Dan Miller

Pictures from Pixabay

Ugh. I missed the Solar Eclipse.

I remember hearing about the solar eclipse I guess via social media. I didn’t make much of it, since like every year or every couple of months, news breaks about some sort of astronomical event taking place. Every year.  I guess  several of the events are unique… but whats really sad is this. I had opportunity to use use one of the glasses and view it but didn’t.  Why. Fear. I guess one of the main ones was fear of rejection. Ever since I was little and insulted and made fun  of, I guess I haven’t recovered.  Perhaps I was scared to “bother” people.

I wasn’t going to really make much of this event because of the seeming regularity of astronomical events that occur.


What sucked about this one was the need to wear special glasses.. I don’t remember hearing about that for the other astronomical events.  And then my God, the media hype for this events of magnanimous proportions. Of course most of us know about how stores had been sold out of this special glasses that need to be worn if you want to see the solar eclipse and not incur damage to your eyes.

When I was waiting for an interview at a bench,  one guy offered his special glasses to another guy to view as he and I guess his friend were walking opposite of the guy. I sort of looked at the guys, hoping to use one.

The fact is I could have asked people who had the glasses to use it and perhaps they would have let me use theirs. I wish though someone would have just offered to let me see. As i was just sitting on bench waiting for an interview somewhere.

It was awful, heck frightening that I could sit down there and in front of me a lady is shouting whoa oo ahh.. and I about lost it there. I was jealous. anyway.   It just sucked because it shouldn’t have been so hard, and I would’ve liked to have taken the opportunity to witness this special event.

I attempted to “see” with my naked eyes for less than a second, a few times.  I realized that that probably wasn’t  a fruitful idea.

In the end it was my fault for not being prepared and I should have just took courage   but I didn’t.


Hopefully the disappointment and anger from this will fade away.  Apparently the next one is in 2024…

Well where I am there wasn’t a total eclipse. The point in time when it was supposed to be the most eclipsed where I was, I think the sun was blocked by cloud(s)…anyway.


The last perhaps unique astronomical event I remember seeing, had to do with shooting stars, I did get to see ( probably two or more whiz across the night sky ) that for which I am grateful. And I didn’t need use special glasses.

Btw I am not trying to complain or condone complaining, I am just using this as avenue to share some of what I go through.

Photos source: Pixabay