Ugh. I missed the Solar Eclipse.

I remember hearing about the solar eclipse I guess via social media. I didn’t make much of it, since like every year or every couple of months, news breaks about some sort of astronomical event taking place. Every year.  I guess  several of the events are unique… but whats really sad is this. I had opportunity to use use one of the glasses and view it but didn’t.  Why. Fear. I guess one of the main ones was fear of rejection. Ever since I was little and insulted and made fun  of, I guess I haven’t recovered.  Perhaps I was scared to “bother” people.

I wasn’t going to really make much of this event because of the seeming regularity of astronomical events that occur.

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What sucked about this one was the need to wear special glasses.. I don’t remember hearing about that for the other astronomical events.  And then my God, the media hype for this events of magnanimous proportions. Of course most of us know about how stores had been sold out of this special glasses that need to be worn if you want to see the solar eclipse and not incur damage to your eyes.

When I was waiting for an interview at a bench,  one guy offered his special glasses to another guy to view as he and I guess his friend were walking opposite of the guy. I sort of looked at the guys, hoping to use one.

The fact is I could have asked people who had the glasses to use it and perhaps they would have let me use theirs. I wish though someone would have just offered to let me see. As i was just sitting on bench waiting for an interview somewhere.

It was awful, heck frightening that I could sit down there and in front of me a lady is shouting whoa oo ahh.. and I about lost it there. I was jealous. anyway.   It just sucked because it shouldn’t have been so hard, and I would’ve liked to have taken the opportunity to witness this special event.

I attempted to “see” with my naked eyes for less than a second, a few times.  I realized that that probably wasn’t  a fruitful idea.

In the end it was my fault for not being prepared and I should have just took courage   but I didn’t.

*sigh*

Hopefully the disappointment and anger from this will fade away.  Apparently the next one is in 2024…

Well where I am there wasn’t a total eclipse. The point in time when it was supposed to be the most eclipsed where I was, I think the sun was blocked by cloud(s)…anyway.

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The last perhaps unique astronomical event I remember seeing, had to do with shooting stars, I did get to see ( probably two or more whiz across the night sky ) that for which I am grateful. And I didn’t need use special glasses.

Btw I am not trying to complain or condone complaining, I am just using this as avenue to share some of what I go through.

Photos source: Pixabay
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Terminated.

So recently I got terminated. It hurts, I feel my identity was affected; I feel kind of stupid and dumb. The catcher is that this is kind of like the second time this year for similar or same reason. Needless to say I have to get to the root of this issue. I was told in a dream by one of my brothers the reason was “Terror” that I should study something ( Genesis 1-3?) . I think he also  said something  laughing that I was scared of robots ( sometimes dreams don’t always make sense). I think  if I study that perhaps I could free from “terror”. (seems like what my brother may have said or implied).

Both times its because of not really successfully completing the training process. Making mistakes. It’s like people think I’m stupid. Unfortunately,  I was way to honest with my employers.. smh. When I made mistakes or was afraid that I did, I let them know. But then again its true there was a lot of fear. But to be honest, both jobs I didn’t feel were for me. This one I was informed also that the supervisor didn’t think I was a good fit for the team.

In addition , I read perhaps it could ADD or ADHD. I searched online for stories of other who were deemed slow learners and being fired for it, something like that.

I noticed in both jobs I seemed to project lack of confidence based on what those in charge of my training would convey.  Both jobs I wasn’t particularly comfortable but there was fear ( terror to be exact).

But, perhaps also since I did not really care for the jobs ,  I did not take them as seriously as I should eg ( studying outside of work making a concrete plan protocol for carrying out my work duties. ). I guess I felt at this job it wasn’t that hard, that within time I could completely pick it up and get comfortable with it.  Perhaps, if I had wrote things down in right good order, and tried to follow the same order time always, then maybe I could have learned faster.  Now that I think of it, it may have been  a culmination of other little things along with the bad time management and efficiency issue that may have resulted in my termination. They gave me the opportunity to resign in lieu of discharge but I did not choose that.

To top it off the stress  soo much . It was sooooo bad, I hate to think of what would have been if I had not been terminated. I really felt the effects smh,

Looking back, I feel it was not for me, perhaps this is an opportunity, ( I know its an opportunity) to do something else, and I should  honestly deal with what causing this terror issue. Perhaps too a regularly job like a 9-5 is not for me,