So I quit my job

 

( this was like from draft I wrote soon after quitting  about two weeks ago)

Life got really crazy and I came to a brinking point. I had already weighed reasons for staying and reasons to leave.and by far the reasons to leave not only were more, but  a big reason for leaving was that it simply was not sustainable for me.  I don’t like or care for the job, and perhaps the way my mind is (I’m a bit meticulous)  being overly cautious about details can really slow a person down.

Anyway also learning point was: as time passed it became clearer and clearer to quit.

Now although I am not at that job, the fact of the matter i  I still have a bit of fear. So the concerns have changed from the effects of my work at this job to looking for how I can get income. I only saved some money and I really need to get another source of income. So unfortunately I’ve been applying to jobs in areas I don’t want to (biology). I mean I’ve heard the phrase:

“Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.”― Oprah Winfrey

but like is that really wise? I guess it depends on the situation. Say you want to be doctor well unfortunately the ride to that may be rough but because you want it, you’re willing to do it.

Recently I learned from this video that I need to love the process  so basically whatever it is that you want perhaps you need to find a way to like the “getting there”  part.  I watched a video on guys that learned piano on their own, and they way one did it was by learning songs he liked. Who knows how many people have given up on learning instruments because they were trying to learn it in a way that was not enjoyable.  By the way, one thing I don’t like about Gary Vee self awareness concept  is it could discourage some people into thinking they can’t be something( Ive felt that way..) They might think they are weak in an area or not fit for it when one thing it really could be is that they are inexperienced ,so  they lack confidence…  I guess ( and maybe Gary Vee has explained his concept of self awareness more clearly or in depth )  one should really try out something they’d like to do for a substantial amount of time to be able to judge if it’s something they’d want to do for a living.

Anyway back to the idea of me applying to jobs I don’t care for.  I guess I hate being a “wage slave”  but I do have school loan debt so basically it’s like a requirement for to seek have a full time job for a deferment or forbearance ( I forgot the details exactly).

So basically I’m just trying to figure out what to do now. I  thought about doing the Master’s of Music in Music Production, but it might be overkill for me. On the flip side, by the end of a year would have in a sense “mastered ” music production , but it comes as a cost, I would incur debt and I already have enough debt to buy a house (that’s another story for another time as to why I got into so much debt for majors I care little about). Also I don’t care to produce music for other artists but to make music and songs of my own. Plus again I don’t care to work for other artists so finding a job in the “music industry”  doesn’t appeal to me. Now yes I  can learn it on your own, yeah I  know. the issue is that I have not been great at self discipline, plus I have only like “finished ” one song this year. It is near the end of July.  I think being perfectionist , impatience and indecisive sare part of the reason why. I want to learn to produce, mix an master my  song/music.

Another option is an online course in graphic communication, since I’m in-state it would be cheaper. It might only be ~10,000-15,000  extra ( I already have a bachelors).  With this, maybe I could get a  “Regular ” job ( something to “fall back ” on). However , I may not be as passionate about this as I am about making my own songs  and or making music videos.

I’ve felt pressure to  be honorable and being able to provide for myself financially is respectable. Pursuing mastering music production  is not considered respectful but dumb to many. I mean well if you do end up being able to make living for yourself on it than ok, but as you are pursuing it and have not arrived there will be doubters and I guess there’s pressure to not be  a deadbeat…

An MS in music production, as far as I’m concerned is not a great degree for getting a job based on what Ive read online.

A BS in graphic communication perhaps I could get a job, but will it pay a lot?  not for entry level. Plus, I do not want to feel like a slave working, but perhaps maybe I could get a job hat doesn’t feel like slavery.

I guess at the end of the day if I don’t want to be a wage slave I need to work hard and wisely for self employment. But that may take a while to pull off and I really hate the idea of doing a biology job. So I may just consider to that BS in graphic communication …

By the way someone told me that I liked djing better than music production, I don’t see how that can be true tbh I don’t know if I care about djing. Perhaps though if I got more familiar with it I could..

In addition, I could dj to get some money…:/

Pray for wisdom

 

 

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What to do now

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Sooooooo I am trying to figure out what kind of of job would be suitable for me. A job  that fits my personality, background, and spirit.  I have ideas of what that could be ( its creative related) however at this moment I’m not well practiced in those areas. Or I could just collaborate with others that are stronger in the areas in which I am weak.

I’ve applied to jobs in the field ( biology) but I’m not really interested in working as a lab tech.

I really wanted to do music production. .. for some reason I am not able to get a plan routine to learn skills needed to produce music. Or perhaps I am narrow minded in that it has to be done “this was” ( I want to learn music theory first, learn some instruments or at least one instrument for now) but at the same time I feel pressure to get income as soon as possible. It’d be great to get paid for producing original songs, but my experience ( music production wise) is fairly limited.  Perhaps I need to be realistic of what I could do now..

Yes, I could work with a producer but I am heavily influenced or inspired to be like Adam Young who produces most of his songs. Perhaps though if I did deeper its an ego thing. To want to be able to know that a piece of art or incredible awe inspiring moving song came from me.. OR of course I could just for now get a producer and then later on could work on producing myself. :/  Of course getting a producer to work on some music for you costs money. But obviously a well produced ep or album would be worth it..

To be honest I want to learn to do a lot of things by myself eg. videos, art pieces using adobe software and of course music production, perhaps with my vocals. Maybe I guess because I have different things I’d like to do that it feels difficult to know where to start. Also other things that or on my mind and situations I’m in.

I think there maybe also be psychological blocks  and or as they say “self-limiting beliefs” to why I haven’t been able to progress in my learning the things I want to.  People can learn to produce music on their own, or to use photoshop on their own.With books, the internets and even other people one could learn without having even go to school. But for some reason..

I should pray for clarity concerning what to do now.

 

Prayers.Income. Direction.

Please pray I will discover the an income source right for me. I am thinking  to take some courses at a community college to gain skills that could perhaps aid in creative endeavors but I cant help but wonder..some of the courses in the Associates ( graphic design) I can’t help but wonder if they are something necessary for me to do.. but

Proverbs 14:23
In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.

nevertheless I don’t want to waste time and energy,  if whereas my focus and energy could be better put to use somewhere else. Where that is *shrugs” I guess I need to pray with faith.. bottom line at this point in my life I need a career or income source to support myself and its important to help others with money I get.

Being full time student could make it harder to find a full time job in addition, juggling a full time job and full time school could throw my life balance off kilter and I’ve been  counseled to live a balanced life, a pace centered life, at the same time I am 30 years old. I don’t want to spend more time in school if I don’t have to . If I take full time course I could be done by this time next year or sooner. Taking the online courses the community college with courses that must be taken physically at the school may be less stressful than having to go down physically to the school.

I may have some financial aid in form of scholarships or grants, I am in a lot of debt from taking courses in classes, getting degrees I probably shouldn’t have taken or earned. Now I’m in a lot of debt. A lot. And if I take these courses full time I may have to get into more debt not as much but its still adds up.

To top it off I’m not crazy about graphic design, I like music production and video, I do like it a  bit though.  I don’t like the idea of working for a advertising agency or graphic design company. Maybe this sounds selfish but if you are going to be paid to do create someone elses design or vision not yours, can it still be fun or enjoyable? But perhaps somehow I feel the skills learned in the courses in this degree could help me do something else perhaps that would not require having to work for someone..perhaps I could publish my own stuff or something. Perhaps could do the certificate (less courses) but I am not sure if I can get financial aid for that..

Also due to some reasons I have not decided to pursue degree in music production. In addition it could be learned on my own.. Of course Graphic design could be learned on my own but I guess where I am in my life there may be an open door right now to take courses at the local community college and perhaps He may be approving me to do that. The question now i full time or part time.. If full time one more online course

In addition, I could uses this skills  to freelance graphic design ( Not what I want to do .. ) though but maybe I might have to due that for time until I  pave a path or be able to dow what I want…?

A big issue for me is perfectionism and wanting to be “great” at music production or video editing with the first content creations I make. In addition, other issues or circumstances I currently face, pressure and perhaps anxiety. #thatlifebalancethough

Any advice concerning my predicament would be helpful.