So I quit my job

 

( this was like from draft I wrote soon after quitting  about two weeks ago)

Life got really crazy and I came to a brinking point. I had already weighed reasons for staying and reasons to leave.and by far the reasons to leave not only were more, but  a big reason for leaving was that it simply was not sustainable for me.  I don’t like or care for the job, and perhaps the way my mind is (I’m a bit meticulous)  being overly cautious about details can really slow a person down.

Anyway also learning point was: as time passed it became clearer and clearer to quit.

Now although I am not at that job, the fact of the matter i  I still have a bit of fear. So the concerns have changed from the effects of my work at this job to looking for how I can get income. I only saved some money and I really need to get another source of income. So unfortunately I’ve been applying to jobs in areas I don’t want to (biology). I mean I’ve heard the phrase:

“Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.”― Oprah Winfrey

but like is that really wise? I guess it depends on the situation. Say you want to be doctor well unfortunately the ride to that may be rough but because you want it, you’re willing to do it.

Recently I learned from this video that I need to love the process  so basically whatever it is that you want perhaps you need to find a way to like the “getting there”  part.  I watched a video on guys that learned piano on their own, and they way one did it was by learning songs he liked. Who knows how many people have given up on learning instruments because they were trying to learn it in a way that was not enjoyable.  By the way, one thing I don’t like about Gary Vee self awareness concept  is it could discourage some people into thinking they can’t be something( Ive felt that way..) They might think they are weak in an area or not fit for it when one thing it really could be is that they are inexperienced ,so  they lack confidence…  I guess ( and maybe Gary Vee has explained his concept of self awareness more clearly or in depth )  one should really try out something they’d like to do for a substantial amount of time to be able to judge if it’s something they’d want to do for a living.

Anyway back to the idea of me applying to jobs I don’t care for.  I guess I hate being a “wage slave”  but I do have school loan debt so basically it’s like a requirement for to seek have a full time job for a deferment or forbearance ( I forgot the details exactly).

So basically I’m just trying to figure out what to do now. I  thought about doing the Master’s of Music in Music Production, but it might be overkill for me. On the flip side, by the end of a year would have in a sense “mastered ” music production , but it comes as a cost, I would incur debt and I already have enough debt to buy a house (that’s another story for another time as to why I got into so much debt for majors I care little about). Also I don’t care to produce music for other artists but to make music and songs of my own. Plus again I don’t care to work for other artists so finding a job in the “music industry”  doesn’t appeal to me. Now yes I  can learn it on your own, yeah I  know. the issue is that I have not been great at self discipline, plus I have only like “finished ” one song this year. It is near the end of July.  I think being perfectionist , impatience and indecisive sare part of the reason why. I want to learn to produce, mix an master my  song/music.

Another option is an online course in graphic communication, since I’m in-state it would be cheaper. It might only be ~10,000-15,000  extra ( I already have a bachelors).  With this, maybe I could get a  “Regular ” job ( something to “fall back ” on). However , I may not be as passionate about this as I am about making my own songs  and or making music videos.

I’ve felt pressure to  be honorable and being able to provide for myself financially is respectable. Pursuing mastering music production  is not considered respectful but dumb to many. I mean well if you do end up being able to make living for yourself on it than ok, but as you are pursuing it and have not arrived there will be doubters and I guess there’s pressure to not be  a deadbeat…

An MS in music production, as far as I’m concerned is not a great degree for getting a job based on what Ive read online.

A BS in graphic communication perhaps I could get a job, but will it pay a lot?  not for entry level. Plus, I do not want to feel like a slave working, but perhaps maybe I could get a job hat doesn’t feel like slavery.

I guess at the end of the day if I don’t want to be a wage slave I need to work hard and wisely for self employment. But that may take a while to pull off and I really hate the idea of doing a biology job. So I may just consider to that BS in graphic communication …

By the way someone told me that I liked djing better than music production, I don’t see how that can be true tbh I don’t know if I care about djing. Perhaps though if I got more familiar with it I could..

In addition, I could dj to get some money…:/

Pray for wisdom

 

 

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Terminated.

So recently I got terminated. It hurts, I feel my identity was affected; I feel kind of stupid and dumb. The catcher is that this is kind of like the second time this year for similar or same reason. Needless to say I have to get to the root of this issue. I was told in a dream by one of my brothers the reason was “Terror” that I should study something ( Genesis 1-3?) . I think he also  said something  laughing that I was scared of robots ( sometimes dreams don’t always make sense). I think  if I study that perhaps I could free from “terror”. (seems like what my brother may have said or implied).

Both times its because of not really successfully completing the training process. Making mistakes. It’s like people think I’m stupid. Unfortunately,  I was way to honest with my employers.. smh. When I made mistakes or was afraid that I did, I let them know. But then again its true there was a lot of fear. But to be honest, both jobs I didn’t feel were for me. This one I was informed also that the supervisor didn’t think I was a good fit for the team.

In addition , I read perhaps it could ADD or ADHD. I searched online for stories of other who were deemed slow learners and being fired for it, something like that.

I noticed in both jobs I seemed to project lack of confidence based on what those in charge of my training would convey.  Both jobs I wasn’t particularly comfortable but there was fear ( terror to be exact).

But, perhaps also since I did not really care for the jobs ,  I did not take them as seriously as I should eg ( studying outside of work making a concrete plan protocol for carrying out my work duties. ). I guess I felt at this job it wasn’t that hard, that within time I could completely pick it up and get comfortable with it.  Perhaps, if I had wrote things down in right good order, and tried to follow the same order time always, then maybe I could have learned faster.  Now that I think of it, it may have been  a culmination of other little things along with the bad time management and efficiency issue that may have resulted in my termination. They gave me the opportunity to resign in lieu of discharge but I did not choose that.

To top it off the stress  soo much . It was sooooo bad, I hate to think of what would have been if I had not been terminated. I really felt the effects smh,

Looking back, I feel it was not for me, perhaps this is an opportunity, ( I know its an opportunity) to do something else, and I should  honestly deal with what causing this terror issue. Perhaps too a regularly job like a 9-5 is not for me,