Grateful ..but a bit disappointed

So the year is coming a close and I am thinking about what I had wanted to accomplish and though I am not where I was,  I’m really sad because.. this is really ridiculous of me to admit..but I have only finished one song this whole year. One song. I should be finished with another by the end of the week but yeah..

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I was hoping to have produced several songs by now.

Part of why I think I only have finished one song is pride (ego) with perfectionism along with impatience..I want to make it big with the first song I ever finished. Yes it’s unrealistic.

Possible? Yes. Unrealistic and a low chance..Yes. In addition I guess I want to accomplish so much at the same time on top of other issues I have.

The big thing is content. I have not put out enough content. Barely any. So how am I to build  a following without consistent content –I have watched a lot of Gary Vee.(  He makes sense with a lot of what he says but don’t try to burnout out yourself trying to make it.)

Now I have like songs and musical ideas but they are unfinished still like embryos not fully developed.

I really need to just share clips. If I can get the courage strength to do that.. God willing I will.

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To be honest I had a word from God the Father or the Holy Spirit saying something like “productivity is based on worth”

So basically I need to know my worth…

I need to have speech of hope..speak life.. #selftalk #proclaim #riseup

Sorry if there are typos or grammatical errors in this.

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What am I going to do

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with my hair?

Right now it is natural ( like 4c hair), but damaged. due to not regularly moisturizing or attending to it  to due other things  vying for my attention and concern.

Right now it’s either straighten it,  which I kind of want to do ( likely with a relaxer ..maybe natural one? or salon).

However, I feel like I was give like a mini vision, like a word of knowledge ( maybe from the Holy Spirit) that to me was advice that I should do a certain kind of dreads.  But inside I can barely fathom doing that… One reason, I do not want to do that is due to the fact that once you get them although it is possible to undread it is very difficult to do so, plus I like having the option available to do more than one kind of hairstyle that may not include dreads.  Mainly,  I really have penchant to at just have smooth hair tied down with one band. I’m not sure what I was shown is accurate.  Obviously I could try doing dread but ..like I just don’t see how I could want them.

One of the reasons Im really getting serious about doing something with my hair is that at my age I guess I have to think about possibly meeting a spouse , my hair needs to be on point so that I’m free to at least post pictures online without fear. Maybe God willing , someone might care to know me more if they saw a good picture of me online.  Also for endeavors I might pursue professionally.  Also this may also have to do with my self-esteem.

Fact is, I want to keep my hair looking neat and presentable, and  for it not to me be so hard or so much energy to maintain it that way.  Regularly maintaining my natural 4b or 4c  hair hasn’t been something I’ve  done well.   For more than ten years I’ve been in this state and my hair has not grown . I’ve failed to really give it the care and attention it would need to be nourished and grow..and I’m just tired I guess of the style. For sometime now I constantly wear a wigs. Why am I scared..

Any advice? I need discernment.  I guess I need to stand on the promises in the Bible concerning His guidance in my life and soak on that.