So I quit my job

 

( this was like from draft I wrote soon after quitting  about two weeks ago)

Life got really crazy and I came to a brinking point. I had already weighed reasons for staying and reasons to leave.and by far the reasons to leave not only were more, but  a big reason for leaving was that it simply was not sustainable for me.  I don’t like or care for the job, and perhaps the way my mind is (I’m a bit meticulous)  being overly cautious about details can really slow a person down.

Anyway also learning point was: as time passed it became clearer and clearer to quit.

Now although I am not at that job, the fact of the matter i  I still have a bit of fear. So the concerns have changed from the effects of my work at this job to looking for how I can get income. I only saved some money and I really need to get another source of income. So unfortunately I’ve been applying to jobs in areas I don’t want to (biology). I mean I’ve heard the phrase:

“Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.”― Oprah Winfrey

but like is that really wise? I guess it depends on the situation. Say you want to be doctor well unfortunately the ride to that may be rough but because you want it, you’re willing to do it.

Recently I learned from this video that I need to love the process  so basically whatever it is that you want perhaps you need to find a way to like the “getting there”  part.  I watched a video on guys that learned piano on their own, and they way one did it was by learning songs he liked. Who knows how many people have given up on learning instruments because they were trying to learn it in a way that was not enjoyable.  By the way, one thing I don’t like about Gary Vee self awareness concept  is it could discourage some people into thinking they can’t be something( Ive felt that way..) They might think they are weak in an area or not fit for it when one thing it really could be is that they are inexperienced ,so  they lack confidence…  I guess ( and maybe Gary Vee has explained his concept of self awareness more clearly or in depth )  one should really try out something they’d like to do for a substantial amount of time to be able to judge if it’s something they’d want to do for a living.

Anyway back to the idea of me applying to jobs I don’t care for.  I guess I hate being a “wage slave”  but I do have school loan debt so basically it’s like a requirement for to seek have a full time job for a deferment or forbearance ( I forgot the details exactly).

So basically I’m just trying to figure out what to do now. I  thought about doing the Master’s of Music in Music Production, but it might be overkill for me. On the flip side, by the end of a year would have in a sense “mastered ” music production , but it comes as a cost, I would incur debt and I already have enough debt to buy a house (that’s another story for another time as to why I got into so much debt for majors I care little about). Also I don’t care to produce music for other artists but to make music and songs of my own. Plus again I don’t care to work for other artists so finding a job in the “music industry”  doesn’t appeal to me. Now yes I  can learn it on your own, yeah I  know. the issue is that I have not been great at self discipline, plus I have only like “finished ” one song this year. It is near the end of July.  I think being perfectionist , impatience and indecisive sare part of the reason why. I want to learn to produce, mix an master my  song/music.

Another option is an online course in graphic communication, since I’m in-state it would be cheaper. It might only be ~10,000-15,000  extra ( I already have a bachelors).  With this, maybe I could get a  “Regular ” job ( something to “fall back ” on). However , I may not be as passionate about this as I am about making my own songs  and or making music videos.

I’ve felt pressure to  be honorable and being able to provide for myself financially is respectable. Pursuing mastering music production  is not considered respectful but dumb to many. I mean well if you do end up being able to make living for yourself on it than ok, but as you are pursuing it and have not arrived there will be doubters and I guess there’s pressure to not be  a deadbeat…

An MS in music production, as far as I’m concerned is not a great degree for getting a job based on what Ive read online.

A BS in graphic communication perhaps I could get a job, but will it pay a lot?  not for entry level. Plus, I do not want to feel like a slave working, but perhaps maybe I could get a job hat doesn’t feel like slavery.

I guess at the end of the day if I don’t want to be a wage slave I need to work hard and wisely for self employment. But that may take a while to pull off and I really hate the idea of doing a biology job. So I may just consider to that BS in graphic communication …

By the way someone told me that I liked djing better than music production, I don’t see how that can be true tbh I don’t know if I care about djing. Perhaps though if I got more familiar with it I could..

In addition, I could dj to get some money…:/

Pray for wisdom

 

 

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Ugh

Thinking of quitting my job. No I’m not just thinking about it I really got to make a decision.

It’s hard for me to go back to my job each and every day.  I really don’t want to continue living this way. Its been hard  for me and I really need to rest.  like have a break. The only reason I go back is because of uncertainty not knowing if leaving will put me in bad position.. But then again I know I’m not necessarily performing great so..

First. time. ev-er.

In the more than thirty years I have been alive , I have never seen or heard  nor can I remember schools shut down and offices close for the day because of high winds until……

Today.

I am in utter  shock and unbelief this is happened. I didn’t realize high winds could be serious weather condition. I mean I get tornadoes, hurricanes, but never in my life… I guess now it makes sense since hurricane and tornadoes have high wind speeds..

Also I remember seeing  or learning on tv that there are sandstorms in the Sahara desert or middle east . Picture like an Arab man in traditional clothing alone (or one of few) in the desert walking through, while he holds his head wrap (Agal and Keffiyeh *) and sands blows in his face and all around him, his garment flapping torrentially in the wind.

But its not too surprising that people were more cautious: These high winds are dangerous in that trees have been toppling and if you drive in it , the wind can push your car. Heck, as I was driving out this morning, I had to drive on the other side of the road for a moment to drive past -you know what, a topple tree.

I guess its obvious by now I still went to work today. Interestingly, enough the electricity was flickering at work and at one point cut off and back on real quickly.  Pretty much all the computers I would assume came off and or were restarted. Momentary shouts of surprise and utter glee erupted in there, many of my colleagues eager to have a  welcome respite from work as they waited to log back in. Interestingly, I was still online with a caller and unbeknownst to me she probably heard me talking about the electricity coming off and on.

Anyway, I actually got a note from a doctor to give my employer saying I should not use headphones in any capacity for about a month. Problem is…Long story short how will I be able to actually work, if I can’t use headphones for a month or at least until I can meet and ENT and or audiologist? ( which could be less than  month).  The only thing I can think of that I could possibly do is stuffing envelopes and even that was hard for me. I mean I feel like its awkward I mean it is call center..

I have to work through somethings concerning this..

By the way I’m doing a little better but I still feel like my body is being hurt working in this position, its hard to pace myself in it. Maybe I’m making excuses but then again I guess I feel I shouldn’t be there.

The positive thing ( I should be more positive) is that they pay decent for a call center ( I guess..?), I could get paid less elsewhere, so I feel they did well in that department…

I mean its not amazing but it’s not terrible.

Mmm this winds reminds me of perhaps the Holy Spirit..could this high winds mean something….?

 

Sources

*http://www.uaestylemagazine.com/24/what-do-arabs-wear-on-their-heads.html

Disclaimer: the views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely to the author, and not necessarily to the author’s employer, organization, committee or other group or individual.

 

 

Fighting for my wellbeing..for life

So I’ve noticed…I’ve been taking jobs that aren’t fit for me…or at least I suck at pacing myself.

The issue is I kill myself trying to fulfill job expectations, even though it feels like Im dying trying to.

Today was my first full day of taking calls. I made mistakes. For sure. Also my calls were long. I was stumbling, flipping many times over my words. I was unsure of something and so that kind of was part of why the call was long. I had to get out of my seat and walk across the floor twice to ask questions.

The worst parts were the effect of my striving 1) ears and 2) my body was effected ( breathing). The program doesn’t really give much time to add notes. This job necessitates, constant multitasking.

But here’s the thing: I was counseled to slow down, and as I’ve researched over time what that entails doing.  Multitasking is not one of them.

My ears are ringing. I did notice at times when my ears were really sensitive.  Especially when I was waiting on hold to transfer a caller to another place, I could tell that listening to high  pitched sounds( from the hold music) that my ears were particularly sensitive to it.

To make things worse, I felt I could barely breathe, I’m trying so hard to meet their requirement or get up to their standard in a short time ( someone told those of us who are new only have perhaps about one week to stop using a setting that allows extra time to update notes) that I’m suffering. I could barely breathe, and was trying to catch my breath. At one point I felt my throat burn. This is  ri–diculous. Why do I allow myself to go through this? I guess I feel sort of helpless. They may not  be taking into account that growth takes time. Just look at nature and how plants grow with proper nutrition and environment they grow, but they dont usually grow up over night (there may be some plants are vines that do ? ) The fact is many things in nature as concerning growth take tiiiiiime.  It’s not an overnight thing.

I eventually or soon had to change the call setting to a status  usually used for bathroom breaks or emergencies that can be dealt with within 5 minutes, and went to the bathroom and attempt do take a break ( I did end up using the restroom anyway) neither that nor the 15 minute I took later was sufficient for the huge distress , toil and hardship my body worked to endure. I ended up leaving an hour later ( that one was partly my fault, had I dealt with the call an alternate way perhaps I could have left only thirty minutes later ?)

My mother told me I should just quit the job, that how can I be at a job that could cause permanent damage to my ear. She said if it was her she would leave.  I mean I guess Im scared or worried about the fact that I have expenses that needs to be paid just like most of everyone.  She says I should trust God but…well perhaps I just don’t have faith or am not adding works to my faith for anything to work or help.

I perhaps caused this in that I should’ve have told them early on. I should’ve have seen the issue that could have arose. I could have at least tried to get a dr. note  that could have helped move me to section where I just process applications mostly and have to call out sometimes ( compared to my position where I take calls most of the day).

But part of me was concerned about being honest, in that they would think of letting me go.  At a former job I was kind of honest like about things I didn’t understand or made mistakes about and that was perhaps part of why I was fired.  So I didn’t want to repeat that. Nevertheless, if I was completely honest I was acting like OCD or overly scrupulous with the last job I had. There was a lot of fear; I dont have a diagnosis of OCD , anxiety or anything like that to have given them about me though.

Anyway, I feel perhaps I’m not respecting or treasuring myself by continuing in a job like this. Or acting like I have worth? (Sorry to be honest for many people certain job positions are deemed respectable while other people look down on them, I’m not saying its ok) ..but this is mainly about respecting and loving myself enough to leave and to have faith that if I jump….)

Also if working this job,  it’s killing me to meet their supposed requirements, then common sense says I should do whats best for me in this case. ( btw just a disclaimer Im not sure the time period for which I should get up to their standard, but as I said before someone told me a week, after that they will start letting you know you what they want) Perhaps there are people that can take on a job like this; I’m likely not one of them. Part of me feels that the company or supervisors wanting the agents to meet their stringent ( imo) requirements, is not respecting people or the natural cycle or nature of person. To force them to work constantly and multitask like this is not how we are I was created to function. It’s like your’e not respecting the person is human being who needs periods of rest or lulls to refuel to thrive.  Again perhaps some other people can take this. for where I am now as a person with my unique struggles, knowledge and energy, it looks like this not what I can do at least for now..

Then again I guess society expects people to work constantly in their full time jobs. The fact of the matter is people are not constantly working anyway. At their office jobs we’ve all heard or are that person themselves who takes breaks or doesn’t  overwork themselves at work in the sense that they may for example surf the web, watch videos, be on  heir phone during  work time when they “expected” to being productive.  Little did they  know that’s probably why some or many are even able to get through an 8 hour work day and produce something of worth. Now I’m not saying that is for all jobs. Obviously not all jobs can one do that. In addition, if someone really loves their job maybe they don’t use company time for personal pleasure.  Unfortunately part of me worries about me being caught  not working when I should be…🤔

Anyway long story short, I guess I need to gather the courage and faith to leave. Please I’d appreciate your your prayers and counsel.  I could get a doctor’s note and see if they could transfer to the other section. But I see potential issues with that also, but none as horrible as permanent damage to my hearing.

Oh and there’s the medical insurance conundrum..

Disclaimer: the views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely to the author, and not necessarily to the author’s employer, organization, committee or other group or individual.

A lot going on..

So, recently I had the audacity to get a job at a call center.   Here is the issue:

I was working a part time in a position that perhaps was not fit for me. There were times it seems I should have gone to the hospital. I think I stressed myself out and sucked at pacing myself. In the end I thought this might be an ok job maybe even fun. But doing it for these many months, this was not something I wanted to keep doing ( that is an understatement) . I was drowning, I took whatever lifeboat I could get to not sink.

Through a temp agency I was interviewed and offered the position. I took it, without thinking thoroughly about what the job could entail: using headphones for an extended period of time like nearly 6-8 hours.  Now delving deeper,  the issue is  that I currently have tinnitus and its probable it was caused in part due to listening to music high volume on headphones.  In hindsight I think I bought terrible headphones. I remember wanting the bass to be louder or more bombastic; I would increase the volume loud and maybe also as a result of not thinking I could hear the midrange. ( case in point if you use headphones get good ones, even if they cost more.)

I have nearly quit using headphones as a result. Now I talked to an ENT about using headphones. She informed me I could use headphones as long as it’s kept at a good volume something like that.  However I’ve never discussed with her working at call center full time.

I learned from an online search that an issue with call centers can be as a result of  loud noise , the agent increasing the volume to hear the caller. Thankfully I am in corner office albeit with another inbound agent, nevertheless, I dont expect it to be loud in there.

Nevertheless , during shadowing other agents, I did notice my ears being effected. My left ear vibrates. And I remember one day in particular, it going of the wall. However if I am to be on my own, I  can try to put it on a low volume.

The other thing that is annoying is the random call picks from quality insurance that will be judged every month. It’s  little nerve-racking, nevertheless I guess it keeps us accountable..

All in all I don’t want to continue doing this job but due to mounting financial pressures and the other job I had before,  I took this position without wondering how this could affect my hearing.

Currently looking  for other jobs, but I feel they aren’t for me. Perhaps maybe my view of full time work or jobs has to change or maybe I just want something honestly that I like.

Oh and then on the home life front smh maybe I do need to get my own place living on my own.

 

Disclaimer: the views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely to the author, and not necessarily to the author’s employer, organization, committee or other group or individual.