First. time. ev-er.

In the more than thirty years I have been alive , I have never seen or heard  nor can I remember schools shut down and offices close for the day because of high winds until……


I am in utter  shock and unbelief this is happened. I didn’t realize high winds could be serious weather condition. I mean I get tornadoes, hurricanes, but never in my life… I guess now it makes sense since hurricane and tornadoes have high wind speeds..

Also I remember seeing  or learning on tv that there are sandstorms in the Sahara desert or middle east . Picture like an Arab man in traditional clothing alone (or one of few) in the desert walking through, while he holds his head wrap (Agal and Keffiyeh *) and sands blows in his face and all around him, his garment flapping torrentially in the wind.

But its not too surprising that people were more cautious: These high winds are dangerous in that trees have been toppling and if you drive in it , the wind can push your car. Heck, as I was driving out this morning, I had to drive on the other side of the road for a moment to drive past -you know what, a topple tree.

I guess its obvious by now I still went to work today. Interestingly, enough the electricity was flickering at work and at one point cut off and back on real quickly.  Pretty much all the computers I would assume came off and or were restarted. Momentary shouts of surprise and utter glee erupted in there, many of my colleagues eager to have a  welcome respite from work as they waited to log back in. Interestingly, I was still online with a caller and unbeknownst to me she probably heard me talking about the electricity coming off and on.

Anyway, I actually got a note from a doctor to give my employer saying I should not use headphones in any capacity for about a month. Problem is…Long story short how will I be able to actually work, if I can’t use headphones for a month or at least until I can meet and ENT and or audiologist? ( which could be less than  month).  The only thing I can think of that I could possibly do is stuffing envelopes and even that was hard for me. I mean I feel like its awkward I mean it is call center..

I have to work through somethings concerning this..

By the way I’m doing a little better but I still feel like my body is being hurt working in this position, its hard to pace myself in it. Maybe I’m making excuses but then again I guess I feel I shouldn’t be there.

The positive thing ( I should be more positive) is that they pay decent for a call center ( I guess..?), I could get paid less elsewhere, so I feel they did well in that department…

I mean its not amazing but it’s not terrible.

Mmm this winds reminds me of perhaps the Holy Spirit..could this high winds mean something….?




Disclaimer: the views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely to the author, and not necessarily to the author’s employer, organization, committee or other group or individual.




Fighting for my wellbeing..for life

So I’ve noticed…I’ve been taking jobs that aren’t fit for me…or at least I suck at pacing myself.

The issue is I kill myself trying to fulfill job expectations, even though it feels like Im dying trying to.

Today was my first full day of taking calls. I made mistakes. For sure. Also my calls were long. I was stumbling, flipping many times over my words. I was unsure of something and so that kind of was part of why the call was long. I had to get out of my seat and walk across the floor twice to ask questions.

The worst parts were the effect of my striving 1) ears and 2) my body was effected ( breathing). The program doesn’t really give much time to add notes. This job necessitates, constant multitasking.

But here’s the thing: I was counseled to slow down, and as I’ve researched over time what that entails doing.  Multitasking is not one of them.

My ears are ringing. I did notice at times when my ears were really sensitive.  Especially when I was waiting on hold to transfer a caller to another place, I could tell that listening to high  pitched sounds( from the hold music) that my ears were particularly sensitive to it.

To make things worse, I felt I could barely breathe, I’m trying so hard to meet their requirement or get up to their standard in a short time ( someone told those of us who are new only have perhaps about one week to stop using a setting that allows extra time to update notes) that I’m suffering. I could barely breathe, and was trying to catch my breath. At one point I felt my throat burn. This is  ri–diculous. Why do I allow myself to go through this? I guess I feel sort of helpless. They may not  be taking into account that growth takes time. Just look at nature and how plants grow with proper nutrition and environment they grow, but they dont usually grow up over night (there may be some plants are vines that do ? ) The fact is many things in nature as concerning growth take tiiiiiime.  It’s not an overnight thing.

I eventually or soon had to change the call setting to a status  usually used for bathroom breaks or emergencies that can be dealt with within 5 minutes, and went to the bathroom and attempt do take a break ( I did end up using the restroom anyway) neither that nor the 15 minute I took later was sufficient for the huge distress , toil and hardship my body worked to endure. I ended up leaving an hour later ( that one was partly my fault, had I dealt with the call an alternate way perhaps I could have left only thirty minutes later ?)

My mother told me I should just quit the job, that how can I be at a job that could cause permanent damage to my ear. She said if it was her she would leave.  I mean I guess Im scared or worried about the fact that I have expenses that needs to be paid just like most of everyone.  She says I should trust God but…well perhaps I just don’t have faith or am not adding works to my faith for anything to work or help.

I perhaps caused this in that I should’ve have told them early on. I should’ve have seen the issue that could have arose. I could have at least tried to get a dr. note  that could have helped move me to section where I just process applications mostly and have to call out sometimes ( compared to my position where I take calls most of the day).

But part of me was concerned about being honest, in that they would think of letting me go.  At a former job I was kind of honest like about things I didn’t understand or made mistakes about and that was perhaps part of why I was fired.  So I didn’t want to repeat that. Nevertheless, if I was completely honest I was acting like OCD or overly scrupulous with the last job I had. There was a lot of fear; I dont have a diagnosis of OCD , anxiety or anything like that to have given them about me though.

Anyway, I feel perhaps I’m not respecting or treasuring myself by continuing in a job like this. Or acting like I have worth? (Sorry to be honest for many people certain job positions are deemed respectable while other people look down on them, I’m not saying its ok) ..but this is mainly about respecting and loving myself enough to leave and to have faith that if I jump….)

Also if working this job,  it’s killing me to meet their supposed requirements, then common sense says I should do whats best for me in this case. ( btw just a disclaimer Im not sure the time period for which I should get up to their standard, but as I said before someone told me a week, after that they will start letting you know you what they want) Perhaps there are people that can take on a job like this; I’m likely not one of them. Part of me feels that the company or supervisors wanting the agents to meet their stringent ( imo) requirements, is not respecting people or the natural cycle or nature of person. To force them to work constantly and multitask like this is not how we are I was created to function. It’s like your’e not respecting the person is human being who needs periods of rest or lulls to refuel to thrive.  Again perhaps some other people can take this. for where I am now as a person with my unique struggles, knowledge and energy, it looks like this not what I can do at least for now..

Then again I guess society expects people to work constantly in their full time jobs. The fact of the matter is people are not constantly working anyway. At their office jobs we’ve all heard or are that person themselves who takes breaks or doesn’t  overwork themselves at work in the sense that they may for example surf the web, watch videos, be on  heir phone during  work time when they “expected” to being productive.  Little did they  know that’s probably why some or many are even able to get through an 8 hour work day and produce something of worth. Now I’m not saying that is for all jobs. Obviously not all jobs can one do that. In addition, if someone really loves their job maybe they don’t use company time for personal pleasure.  Unfortunately part of me worries about me being caught  not working when I should be…🤔

Anyway long story short, I guess I need to gather the courage and faith to leave. Please I’d appreciate your your prayers and counsel.  I could get a doctor’s note and see if they could transfer to the other section. But I see potential issues with that also, but none as horrible as permanent damage to my hearing.

Oh and there’s the medical insurance conundrum..

Disclaimer: the views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely to the author, and not necessarily to the author’s employer, organization, committee or other group or individual.

A lot going on..

So, recently I had the audacity to get a job at a call center.   Here is the issue:

I was working a part time in a position that perhaps was not fit for me. There were times it seems I should have gone to the hospital. I think I stressed myself out and sucked at pacing myself. In the end I thought this might be an ok job maybe even fun. But doing it for these many months, this was not something I wanted to keep doing ( that is an understatement) . I was drowning, I took whatever lifeboat I could get to not sink.

Through a temp agency I was interviewed and offered the position. I took it, without thinking thoroughly about what the job could entail: using headphones for an extended period of time like nearly 6-8 hours.  Now delving deeper,  the issue is  that I currently have tinnitus and its probable it was caused in part due to listening to music high volume on headphones.  In hindsight I think I bought terrible headphones. I remember wanting the bass to be louder or more bombastic; I would increase the volume loud and maybe also as a result of not thinking I could hear the midrange. ( case in point if you use headphones get good ones, even if they cost more.)

I have nearly quit using headphones as a result. Now I talked to an ENT about using headphones. She informed me I could use headphones as long as it’s kept at a good volume something like that.  However I’ve never discussed with her working at call center full time.

I learned from an online search that an issue with call centers can be as a result of  loud noise , the agent increasing the volume to hear the caller. Thankfully I am in corner office albeit with another inbound agent, nevertheless, I dont expect it to be loud in there.

Nevertheless , during shadowing other agents, I did notice my ears being effected. My left ear vibrates. And I remember one day in particular, it going of the wall. However if I am to be on my own, I  can try to put it on a low volume.

The other thing that is annoying is the random call picks from quality insurance that will be judged every month. It’s  little nerve-racking, nevertheless I guess it keeps us accountable..

All in all I don’t want to continue doing this job but due to mounting financial pressures and the other job I had before,  I took this position without wondering how this could affect my hearing.

Currently looking  for other jobs, but I feel they aren’t for me. Perhaps maybe my view of full time work or jobs has to change or maybe I just want something honestly that I like.

Oh and then on the home life front smh maybe I do need to get my own place living on my own.


Disclaimer: the views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely to the author, and not necessarily to the author’s employer, organization, committee or other group or individual.

Giving up…coming to the end of yourself

I had been slight addicted to watching Dave Ramsey videos and what he said in what vid spoke to me..

Husband Won’t Stop Investing in Baby Step 2

Specifically at around 3:50.. That’s probably part of or exactly what is meant what by the phrase “giving up” and “coming to the end of yourself”…

ha I thought he was being arrogant earlier in the beginning like as if his plan is the best way but as I got further along it made sense..

He said, “I dont know how to fix it ,could you show me how, and then you submit yourself to a plan”.  Using an example of hiring a fitness trainer he explained,  you submit your self to their system, because they have abs and you have a keg.

I know I haven’t really been sticking to the plan I feel God, Jesus and or His Spirit has been given to me.  I have a tendency perhaps to not stick to a plan. I then try to do other things that he did not counsel  me to do in hopes that it may work. But then you see you’ve been int the same place for years and frustrated and its like ..ok maybe you should really abandon all your other plans and at least focus on doing with full effort do what he told you to do.

Interestingly kind of reminds  Joyce Meyer teaching
How to Be Led By the Spirit

There may be more to the meaning of  giving up too – I’ve been told.. I’ve had a tendency to try to earn God’s love..  so it maybe related to stop trying to earn His love, which I need to seek what that means..or if anyone has any suggestions on how to practically not to do that I’d appreciate it.



Update..graphic production

I thought that I would not continue with graphic design courses at the local community college.  I could learn it on my own.

Then I got fired from a job full time job in July. It didn’t pay great but it was better than what i’d ever had before. After being fired, I panicked and for some reasons, I decided I’d go to the local community college full time.

It was not easy. Two were online. One would think online is easier, but I got waaaaaaaay behind. Painfully behind. Because I would not watch the class live online. I hated watching classes after 7:00 pm. I’d instead decide to watch them “later”. There are videos I haven’t watched yet and the semester is over. Though those videos were like the last class(es) so technically they may have not been needed for the final assignments. There maybe like three videos I haven’t watched yet  2 from one class and 1 from another class.

Add to the drama of full time classes, a part time job that was crappy for me, you’ve got a recipe for hell on earth especially for someone still not perfect at time management. I ran into serious problems this season. Thank God the classes have ended, unfortunately I still have the job…you may ask why not quit and get another one.. * rolls eyes and sighs*

On the other hand, the classes did help me learn adobe programs. Literally every class had an adobe product attached to it. Lightroom.Photoshop. Illustrator. Premier.

So its great that I’ve sort of got something like a foundation upon which to build or create something. Creative content. Nevertheless there is this one dragon I’ve been trying to lay a hold off. I feel like a guy trying to hold or grab ahold of a dragon by the neck, that’s crazily moving its head back and forth. I’m trying to lay hold of it but I guess it feels like it’s hard for me to get grasp or hold on it, maybe it keeps slipping, gliding from my hand.

The dragon is music production and what other things that entail it. I’d care to learn piano, and guitar too. I mean I know that there are people who taught themselves how to play more than one instrument. Music theory seems like something I should learn a bit of too.

I seem to be up against several things stopping me from grasping it. When one is worried about finances and not pulling it in enough money to cover all their bills, it’s hard to concentrate on something that isn’t going to bring in money soon. I feel like I’ve got to get money soon’s really, really bad like it’s getting near where it could turn into an emergency.

Unfortunately I wasn’t my own man and got degrees and a whole lot of school debt, for subjects that I probably shouldn’t have studied…

The Dave Ramsey Show Youtube clips

Many of the youtube clips he has for his show are the epitome of clickbait. Oh master we are not worthy. Like a magnet I innately want to click, and watch immediately.

The headlines are crazy an a bit unique.  On the other had, I’d like to see the light at the end of the tunnel that he may provide for the people who call in. If these people can possibly get out of these debt holes, there could be hope for the rest of us with lesser debt.

Some headlines

“We haven’t paid our Bills For 6 Years!” 
oh really…* eyes roll up to the sky*
(real talk who goes 6 years without paying any of their bills? any)

“My girlfriend has $450,000 in debt”   
Maybe it’s time to find another one? lol well she’s planning to be a dentist so maybe that will help,  all I can say is if you are going to marry her hold on, it may be a bumpy ride if she wants to pay that off in a short amount of time

“Step Dad married a 24 year old gold digger”
Uhhh not too surprising..we’ve all probably hear of famous rich men that could do that..ok well to be fair in the clip she mentions property the step dad and mom bought that is worth more than a million ( maybe 2.5) so…Btw the step dad is 77.

$320,00 in school Debt  Loan and We Aren’t Even Doctors!
smh..all I can say for that. I kind of pity them

You make $320,000 A MONTH?!?
N&%^3 why are you calling in ?  Use that money and get you a personal financial advisor. You could probably hire one from Dave Ramsey’s company. Leave the line for us broke people that need it!!! lol

The amount of debt these people have is astronomical and lo and behold what does most of the debt relate to . You got it, school loans. Just annoying . unfortunately most of us made stupid decisions and are naive and got ourselves way into deep.  I have a huge amount of school loan debt too. But the testimonies are sort of inspiring and give hope, that one doesn’t have to have that debt forever,

haha,  these headlines though I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I wanted to.